We’re getting ready to go to Seaside!
Every year my husband’s family has a week-long reunion in Seaside, Oregon. John’s mom (my MommaJan) and her sister, Aunt Susie, are from Seaside so all week we get together with the relatives and catch up with John’s sister and brothers and their families.
MommaJan rents a BIG house near the beach and we all bunk there…or in the hotel next door if there’s an overflow. There is always an overflow!
We hang out and visit, go play on the bumper cars, check out the tide pools at Haystack Rock, hit the local dives or whatever…last year John took his dad up on a helicopter tour. It’s just fun. A bit chaotic, but lots of fun.
Normally I’m not too thrilled to be around a bunch of people. Even before I developed fibromyalgia I was not a “people person” and being in groups or crowds unnerved me (still does, unfortunately). The best analogy I can come up with is that I used to have a band-aid that covered the raw nerves and fibromyalgia has ripped the band-aid off.
So what’s really cool about hanging out with MommaJan and family is that if it gets to be too much for me, I can go and hide up in my room. Or I can stay downstairs and hang out and listen to stories and chat with everybody. It makes no difference.
MommaJan does not do drama. It’s not that she doesn’t tolerate it; it just doesn’t happen around her. She raised her kids to be kind and accepting towards people and I it’s something I’ve come to be so grateful for, even more so since I became “differently-abled”.
I used to be able to cope with the situations that made me uncomfortable (being in large groups, carrying on conversations with people I don’t know, that kind of thing) but it’s like the bandaid has been ripped off and while I do the best that I can to protect the raw nerves that are exposed, sometimes I just have to hide.
Last year in Seaside I was in a pretty rough spot; I was completely out of band-aids! I was finally coming to the conclusion I could no longer work. The medical professionals were trying all sorts of drugs (and cortisone shots. OW!) on me in a last ditch effort to get me back on my feet.
The lovely thing was, in Seaside my issues made absolutely no difference to the family…things just went on as they normally did. Nobody made a fuss about my zombie-like behavior or when I bailed out of group activities. I’m sure accommodations were made for me, but nobody made a point of making a point out of it. You know what I mean? It was so different than being at work. I was just accepted without expectations.
It was such a contrast to being at work. My manager was extremely uncomfortable around me and it showed. Why not? I used to be one of her best agents and now she was having to write me up every week for another missed day at work or another missed deadline. And my other “friends” at work had started to treat me as if I didn’t exist. Or when they were forced to talk to me, it was as if they were talking to a two year old. It was hard to take…and so very painful.
My disability retirement package was submitted just shortly after returning from Seaside last year. I was allowed (is that what they call it when they don’t give you a choice?) to go out on administrative leave without pay until I finally resigned. The best part of that was not being around people who thought I was faking it. Or perhaps they thought I should’ve “powered my way through it” or maybe I was a mental case. That’s debatable, but being around people like that is demoralizing.
Whatever they thought, it was nerve-wrecking dealing with them and I was glad I didn’t have to any more. But I’ve been fairly isolated since that time. And the people I have been around since then…I have find a band-aid before I can deal with them.
Not like that in Seaside! No wonder I’m so excited and relieved to hang out with the family this week. If I talk, fine. If I don’t…they fill in the gaps with no expectations. I don’t feel any whispers behind my back. I do what I can and if I can help with the dishes, hey that’s a bonus! But there’s no feeling that I’m less than, not enough of or what ever…there’s just love and acceptance.
Wouldn’t that be awesome if all families were like this?
So this is my really longwinded way of saying that for the next ten days, I might not post much. I’ll be hanging out by the bonfire in Seaside!
