Staring at a blank page. Lots to write, lots of things have been happening. Where do I start?
The emotional issues surrounding Fibromyalgia have always been a bigger problem for me than the pain. I’ve always said that I could work through the pain. Knowing that there’s nothing physically causing the pain and that “babying” it won’t help, yeah, it just isn’t that big of an issue.
For instance, I used to have a coworker with Fibromyalgia. Her symptoms seem to be only pain related. She didn’t seem to have memory or cognitive issues. Instead she had ergonomically correct equipment installed at her cubicle (kudos to her…I couldn’t even manage to get a computer monitor that worked…but that’s another story) and lots of gadgets for her pain.
But the pain was always there and when you’re in pain, you tend to moan and groan occasionally. Think about the last time you worked out harder than you should have. Your muscles ached the next day (and the day after that!) and you groaned. It was like that for her. But she could still work and continues to do her job. I wish…
Me? I had narcotics to kill the pain, but there was nothing that would really help the emotional damage. The cognitive issues took over and fibrofog was a constant. My memory was shot and working cases was beyond me. I’m surprised I wasn’t more of a basket case than I was. It would be nice if anti-depressants worked for me. I’ve tried quite a few types, but have not met with success.
So here I am again. Feeling reduced to basket case status from the move to San Diego and the constant traveling. My visit up to see my kids a couple of weeks ago was a borderline disaster. It involved having a cry fest with my youngest while parked under a clothing rack in the mall. Seriously. But we muddled through it.
As I’ve mentioned before (I think) I’m a bit scared to write when I’m an emotional train wreck. That combined with my memory issues just seemed to be a recipe for getting myself into trouble.
But I’ve got things I want to say, so I’ll just get back on it. Maybe not my best work, but I’m getting back to work.
Anybody here heard of NaNoWriMo? It’s a contest (essentially with yourself) to write a novel of 50,000 words in one month. It starts today. I entered it last year…and flopped around like a fish out of water. I am participating again this year, but a little more prepared. I don’t know that I’ll hit the magic number of 50K but I will apply some chair glue and make an effort.
Between this blog and the novel I’ll keep busy enough to pull myself out of the funk. That’s the goal. Wish me luck!
Tags: NaNoWriMo
